Gaslighting is one the worst forms of abuse. Gaslighting is when someone tries to take away your reality. The word originated from the classic Alfred Hitchcock movie, by the same name. In the movie, a man married an heiress. He wants to drive her to madness, so he can take her money. He turns the lights off and on. When she asks about this, he says that it is not happening.That is the basis for Gaslighting.
Someone denies the reality of the other to the point that the abused person questions his reality and in time, does not trust it at all. At this point, the Gaslighted person can be victimized because she has no internal frame of reference or compass.Gaslighting is at it’s worst in the hands of parents.. In these cases, the child grows up with a great deal of insecurity. He cannot trust himself, so the world is a terrible, terribly scary place.
The article is about Gaslighting and Depression. It is said that depression is anger turned inward. I think depression is the child’s response to an environment in which she is helpless. If she is abused, she will have a great deal of anger to the abuser( and the other parent if he/she is too weak to help). Furthermore, one of the main mechanisms with which people abuse others is Gaslighting. If a person has been Gaslighted as a child, he will much more readily accept it as an adult. Herein lies the root of many problems.
The Gaslighted person does not have the confidence to identify and cope well with Gaslighting when she is an adult. She has been inculcated with it. She grew up with it as mother’s milk. Hence, she finds herself in many abusive relationships and does not understand why. She finds that her life does not work and does not understand why. The reason is that she has lost touch with her compass. One’s compass is one’s inner emotional guide. If it’s needle is spinning, one is up a creek without a paddle, as they saying goes.
When one has to deal with a Gaslighter, one must hold tight to one’s own reality. The Gaslighter will attempt to dislodge it. One needs someone close and reliable with whom one can trust because the Gaslighter is merciless. She has no identity but that of the frozen mask. She will fight with all that is in her to keep that mask on.
I have gotten a little far afield of the subject of the article which is Gaslighting and Depression. In my opinion, Gaslighting sets one up for depression. Depression is a result of a loss of one’s authentic voice. Depression results when one must hide one’s true self . When one is Gaslighted, one feels shame. One feels that one is uniquely different and worse than others. That is one of the classic results of Gaslighting. Hence, for all of the above reasons, one develops depression, in my opinion.
That leaves us with the question of how to overcome depression. One must recognize that one has been Gaslighted which is the case for all abuse victims. One must be able to see that it was not one’s fault. One was at the vortex of a situation that was not as it seemed. One was forced to accept an alternative reality in order to survive. All these steps prepare one to reclaim her reality. It is possible. I am doing it, so I can tell you that it can be done and there is hope!
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